


itsy bitsy spider

by BookLoverL



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Arachnophobia, Gen, Snake!Crowley - Freeform, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 20:09:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookLoverL/pseuds/BookLoverL
Summary: Crowley has a problem: there's a spider terrorising his flat.This is a completely rational reason for a 6000 year old demon to hide on a table, honest.Now if only Aziraphale would DO something about the evil creature instead of just standing there.





	itsy bitsy spider

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: spiders. That's the only warning.
> 
> This was written for a prompt from @obaewankenope: "It's just a spider Crowley, it won't kill you"  
"That's what you think angel!"
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it, and/or find it cathartic. :D

"It's just a spider, Crowley, honestly, it won't kill you!" said Aziraphale.

"That's what you think, angel!" said Crowley, perched threateningly on the table. “Lassst time I met a spider like that…” He shuddered.

“Honestly, my dear,” said Aziraphale. “You are being ridiculous.”

“I am not!” said Crowley. The spider looked up at him with its beady little eyes. Aziraphale didn’t know, he realised, that proper spiders would never DARE to set foot in Crowley’s flat. No, this one must be a demonic spider. It had to be.

“Look,” said Aziraphale. “I’ll fetch a glass from the kitchen, and then I’ll catch it and set it outside. And then we can get back to… whatever we were doing before.”

“It doesn’t need to go outsssside,” hissed Crowey. “It needsss to be dead!”

“Well, I’m not killing it for you,” said Aziraphale. “Really, my dear, come down from there. You’ve been up there for ten minutes.”

“No,” said Crowley. “Kill the ssspider, or I’ll stay up here forever.”

“Forever,” said Aziraphale, unimpressed. “Well, then, I guess I’ll head back to the bookshop. I’ll see you here tomorrow.”

“Don’t leave me alone with that… thing!” hissed Crowley, panicking.

“Alright, I’ll get a glass,” said Aziraphale. “I’m still not killing it.” A glass miraculously appeared in his hand – it wasn’t like Crowley had actually stocked his kitchen, after all – and the principality bent down to try and catch the spider.

“No, don’t!” said Crowley. “Just kill it!”

“I’m just catching it, my dear,” said Aziraphale. “It’s fine, you’ll see.”

But just as Aziraphale neared the ground, the spider scurried onto the side of the glass, and up the angel’s arm. Aziraphale panicked and dropped the glass, which shattered on the floor with a crash. Crowley panicked and turned into a snake. And the spider ran all the way across Aziraphale and onto the table where Crowley was hiding.

Crowley launched himself across the room, his tail knocking over several pieces of furniture. The spider was still on the loose.

“It’ssss a demonic sssspider, I’m telling you!” said Crowley. “It’s got to be! It’s ssssso… sssso… well, it musssst be! Jussssst get rid of it already, angel!”

“Alright, fine,” said Aziraphale. He snapped his fingers, and the spider vanished. (1)

“Where’d it go!?” hissed Crowley.

“I vanished it, alright,” said Aziraphale. “So you can stop curling up over there now.”

“No,” said Crowley. “I like being a ssssnake.”

“Fine,” said Aziraphale, looking at Crowley lovingly. “My dear, you are a silly creature.”

“And you love me for it,” said Crowley.

“I do,” said Aziraphale.

(1) The reader may be interested to know that, half way across the world, in the country of Australia, a pair of friends were mildly startled by the sudden appearance of a small spider. “That’s a small spider, mate,” said one of them. “Oh, yeah,” said the other. “One of those ‘armless ones too.” He crushed it casually under a beer glass. “There.”


End file.
